Sean wanted to burst in through the stage door, because he thought that the situation demanded a dramatic entrance. It was hard to do that with electronic sliding doors, though. As he pushed the button and the door swished silently open, no-one inside batted an eyelid. Hobbling through, Sean tried to catch someone’s attention. Mick spotted him first, of course.

“Sean! How’s the… erm..”
Sean slowly shook his head in response. He didn’t want to talk about his ass.
“Well, we’ve been waiting for you.” Sean suspected that to be untrue.

Looking around, he took in the scene. The backstage area of the theatre was surprisingly small, and at that moment seemed a lot smaller. An awful lot of people were cavorting around, dressed in Elizabethan costume. In the area of the stage closed off behind the curtain, where the set was already carefully arranged, a large number of schoolchildren seemed to be re-creating the battle of Bosworth Field. Sean didn’t recognise any of them.

“Mick, there are many more extras today, it seems” Sean stated, wearily.
“Yeah” said Mick, matter of factly “our whole class, looks like. Word got out, somehow.”
In the midst of the throng, Danny stood leaning on his little sword in cavalier fashion. Sean had a good idea how word might have got out.

“So, what…”
“Army” said Mick immediately “You need a lot of extras for an army, guv. It’ll make for a really unique experience!”

Sean shrugged. It was beyond his control now, but he had felt compelled to ask.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” He said.

“Sean, lad!” David’s tone contained what, if Sean didn’t know better, could be interpreted as empathy. Furthermore, his father-in-law sounded almost pleased to see him. Almost.
“How’s the… erm..”
Sean shook his head, again. He still didn’t want to talk about his ass.

“Ah….right…. do you know where your father is?”
“Erm…” Sean glanced around, looking for his mum. He spotted Betty sat in a corner, knitting what appeared to be furry handcuffs.
“I really don’t know, have you asked my mum?”
“She’s quiet on the subject” David said, grinning slightly at the thought of what might have happened to his love rival.

In the Oliveson quarters, a muffled scratching and what appeared to be stifled moans were coming from somewhere within the storage area. But no one was there to hear it.

Mick had by now joined them. He seemed to be taking control of the situation.

“No King?” he asked, eyeing up Sean.
“No way!” said Sean. “I’m not playing my mother in law’s lover! Anyway, I’m in a lot of pain – I have this problem with my ass…. and the King’s pantaloons… they bring back such terrible memories….”

Mick and David nodded sympathetically. Sean’s voice trailed off. He could see they were loving this.

“A bit late to find anyone else who knows the part now, guv.”
“OK” Sean relented. “I’ll do it, but only as long as I don’t have to sit down.”

Just as Sean had managed to struggle gingerly into the reserve set of maroon velvet pantaloons, Claire walked in looking flustered. Sean had no-where to hide, so he pulled a false beard as far up his face as it would reasonably go and tried to skulk off.

Claire made a beeline for Mick, and spoke to him in a tone that didn’t encourage equivocation.

“Mick, where is Sean? He’s escaped from the hospital against all medical advice, and his ass could go at any time.”

Before Claire had even finished speaking Mick pointed straight at Sean, unwilling to risk being physically harmed. Sean, too, feared violence, but received nothing more threatening than a tearful hug.

“Would you please go back to the hospital, Sean?” Claire looked terrified for him.
“Dad’s gone missing. I have to play the King.” Claire said nothing; she just turned and headed for the toilets, clearly distraught.
“right, she normally… why…” Sean muttered, confused. His wife normally favoured tough love.
“There’s none so blind as those that cannot see, lad” David said, breezily. He seemed in a remarkably good mood, considering what had been revealed the previous day. So did Shirley in fact. A dinner plate sized hand slapped him unnervingly hard across the shoulder. Sean’s ass tensed in fraught anticipation of further pain, but in spite of the jolting it held together.

“A little bird tells me you’re playing the King – that means you’re with me tonight petal!” Shirley said loudly, into his ear.
“Oooh like father like son eh?” David cried out, and they both wandered off, laughing raucously, arm in arm.
‘weird’ Sean thought, glancing absent-mindedly at the clock.

“Alrighty” Sean said, noticing the time. He tiptoed up to the curtain, and popped his head around. The arena was very full.

“There he is!” someone in the audience said, and Sean ducked back around quickly in order to avoid the rotten fruit that was heading in his direction.

“I’ll never know where they get all that rotten fruit from on this ship” he mused, before climbing arthritically onto one of the spotlights and clapping his hands together as hard as he dared.

“OK everyone,” he said
“It’s time.”