Shortly after the debacle on the balcony Sean found himself below-stairs again, in his natural habitat, looking nervously this time upon the assembled ranks of his extended family.

“Hiya, thanks so much for coming everyone,” he began breezily
“Sean?” the sharpness in his mother’s tone was terrifying.
“Yes mum?”
“Sean, what’s this I hear about a play?”
“Mum, it’s….”
“I don’t care what it is, I don’t remember agreeing to it and I refuse to have any part in the whole ridiculous business.”
“First sensible thing the woman’s ever said” David’s tone was more sarcastic than sympathetic.
“Give over, luv, you’re in it either way for our Claire’s sake”

David muttered something to himself under his breath after his wife’s interjection. But he gave over, nonetheless.
Claire was the next to speak, and her tone carried with it her usual air of brisk authority.

“Sean, I assume you have cast everyone?”
“Absolutely, got the parts right here…”

Sean patted the bag slung over his shoulder with some satisfaction, then presented it to his spouse as if it were some fabulous gift. Claire duly opened it and pulled out one of the digital notepads that were used on board for writing things down. Everything written on Colony V tended to be digital, on account of the substantial waste and energy involved in paper recycling and the long term problems associated with hydroponically growing hardwood trees. It was harder to get hold of a pencil and paper on board the ship than it was in the average Big Brother house, and equally frowned upon.

Claire began scrolling down the notepad with some urgency, her stylus clicking on the screen, before she lapsed into a satisfied smile.

“Ah, so I shall be the fair Ophelia”
“Who?” said Betty
“Right, erm, Claire can you hand out the scripts please? I’ll run everyone through the basics of their characters."

Sean immediately recognised the importance of this moment. He didn’t think that as yet anyone had made the connection between the mob outside and the family ‘bonding session’, which was almost certainly a good thing. At the same time it meant that no-one present quite appreciated how important this production could prove to be to Sean’ career prospects, not to mention his general health. Sean was painfully aware that there was more than a slight chance that the casting might lead to a big fight and everyone storming off for good. So he had been very careful indeed. Tried to match parts to peoples’ characters, that type of thing. Sean figured that the less actual acting anyone had to do, the better. His efforts were compromised by not having read Hamlet since his schooldays, some ten years previously. He’d had a quick look through though – the thing almost directed itself. That was Shakespeare’s genius, he supposed.

“Ok”, he began, and breathed deeply inwards. “I, of course, shall play Hamlet…”
Sean paused briefly in order to allow the groans to subside.
“Stanley Miller – you’ll play Laertes, brother of Ophelia, who will of course be played by your fair sister.”
Stanley yawned massively as Sean spoke.
“erm… right…. you of course adore your sister, and she looks up to you as a role model”

Again Sean paused, this time to allow the sniggering to subside.

“right, now, Ophelia is Halmet’s true love, and they were supposed to live happily ever after”

Once more there was laughter, this time barely suppressed. Sean wavered, and pushed down a cold feeling that suddenly welled in him.

“We are very much in love, actually…. anyway… dad – you will play two roles; the ghost of the recently deceased king, Hamlet’s father, and his dastardly brother Claudius who murdered him, taking his wife and his throne”
“Whatever you say, son”
“right, Shirley you will play Claudius’ wife, Gertrude”

The room dissolved in uproarious hilarity. Although the casual observer (such as Danny, for example) may have noticed that as Roger Oliveson and Shirley Miller belatedly joined in the laughter, their smiles appeared a little contrived. David Miller didn’t notice.

“Ah, Sean, that’s the best one yet! Who am I, the Fairy Godmother?”
Sean waited impatiently for the laughter to end. He was starting to feel markedly unappreciated.
“No, unsurprisingly you’ll play Polonius, the father of Laertes and Ophelia who is suspicious of his daughter’s lover. Although Polonius is well meaning, which may be a challenge for you.”

There was an edge to Sean’s tone. Unsurprising, really.

“Right” Sean moved swiftly on as David glowered.
“Danny, you will play Rozencrantz and Guildenstern and any of the other minor characters. Erm, actually do you have any friends who you think might want to…..”

Danny held up a hand, as if to say ‘don’t worry about it’. But by now Sean was very worried indeed. He felt sure he’d forgotten something.

“Ok and finally, mum, Sophie” Claire’s sister looked wantonly up at Sean, with no small hint of mischief in her eyes.
“Right..” Sean said, flustered “right…. there are no other major parts, but plenty of bits and….” “Don’t worry”, said Sophie sultrily. “I’m happy to watch…”
“Oh yes, dear, I’m happy here with my knitting” Sean had forgotten about his mum, for a second there. Well, as much as anyone could.

“OK, well, that’s us for now! Can you all make it back for… ah let’s see… 8pm?” “Bloody hell, you don’t waste any time, lad!” David Miller looked genuinely alarmed. “Yes, well, David, erm… it’s only a bit of fun as we all know, so we have to get going, you see… out of interest, in terms of the performing the play… are we all free on Sunday?”

At which point everybody downed their scripts and left.
“Oh dear” said Sean.